it's been a half of year i've been in love with him. we're good, but not really. there's some problem between us. he became what he is. actually some of my friends said

"guys always like that, he'll become whatever we want at the 1st/2nd month but after 4th they change to be what they are, and sometimes dragging us to be his dream girl,"

well, i kinda agree with it. but i didn't regret it, i love him for what he is. i don't know if he loves me like the way i do. sometimes i just wondering. does he?

and what i feel today is, he become too easy... he feels save with this, he sometimes heard like being bad mood all the way, without any reason for me. maybe it's me, made him mad or just feels lazy to talk to me. well, this is my punishment... i was like that too to my ex boy friend. but i was really sure i didn't have any hard feeling towards my ex that's why it's easy for me to ignore.

now i'm in despair to know... is he feel that way too for me? if he get tired of me and regret to have this relationship just please tell me, and i'll try my best to make it better if he wants too. i hate to live with negative thought like this. all the thing we've been trough i always think of the past. i scared to death weather i'm being played, and all the thing he said on the 1st month just a lie...

and i know i supposed to forget the past to forgive my self, but i can't. the book is closed but i still keep it because the unfinished business. well, i wish i can throw it away and dump it to the sea. i need more time to forget and forgive my self, and believe a man once again.

the question is, will we be make it till the end? well, that's the God's plan. we just go through with it. but for now.. this moment i can surely said that i love him with every cells in my body, not just with my heart.

Please God i want to believe & makes me believe, that he's the one. if he's the one from You for me.

Labels: love story

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