humiliating, too late, stressful, disappointing, miserable. yeah that's me right now. for a long time i've been searching what is my problem, my mistake. and my father just told me and i didn't listen to him. it's my preference to my priority of life. i always easy to get distracted with something. and so on.

i have a very good friends not really the supportive one, but i think more competitive. i lost my voice today, after days that i've gained me weight with noodles and junk foods. i've been so depressed, because of my work. yeah my life almost perfect. and im the one who caused it, not anyone else. my parents already showed me the right thing, just because my imbalanced-hormonal-thing as a teenage so i never listen to them. since they so rarely at home too, so it's fun to rebel. ups.

i have so much needs, i want i Mac and iPod etc. yeah even i got my blackberry with my own hard work. have i ever told you I WAS WORKING hard to get it? i have my part time job at my mom office. that's why gw suka sebel sama orang yang suka nyindir gw karena hp gw?? woy gw dapetnya juga ga sepenuhnya dari orang tua. screw you ppl who don't understand, get off )X And my mother, lol she never want me to get it for free anyway. yep that's my familly, padang familly(?) well, that's not a big deal, i like advanture, too bad i really easy to get bored sometimes. that's why i often change my priority of life.

now i regret it SO BAD like, i have no friends to do (somekindofproject) a kerja penelitian. yeah im a coward just to ask the teacher. i was crying a lot back then. just because of my fcuking stupid HORMONE oh god. i hate teen age, i cried a lot. i blamed all my friends who try to interrupt my work of even my life. i mean my LAZY ASS'S LIFE. i just so frustrated. I WANT TO GET OUT FROM THAT DAMN STUDY FAST. no it's not because i hate biology but i just cant stand with the HUMILIATING FEELING when you're too late to get passed. my friends would say "semangat2" but i can't help my self to not think they're just MOCKING OF ME. FUNNY HUH?

i've been through this situation too when i was in high school. BUT it's kind of different because i have NO POINT at all. i don't know just the place i will be worked on my future. seriously. yeah even i have a place in my mom office, or still be a private tutor at chemie. BUT STILL i still want a real job that have a GREAT enough salary to fulfilled my needs and my families.

i just need support to move on. but well, LIFE IS HARD. IM NOT A CHILD ANYMORE. yeah i never believe if some good friends will come to me and just support me. all we do is COMPETE each other. FACE IT that's the true. if YOU WANT TO BE STRONG DO IT FOR YOUR SELF.

AND THAT'S WHAT IM GOING TO DO. ♥ Shout (0)